Perseverance: Wisdom From My 51st birthday
I had the PRIVILEGE of turning a year older last week.
Because I wasn't always sure I'd make it this far, I do a LOT more reflecting on birthdays than I did when I was younger.
Last birthday I talked about how God has taught me to have joy no matter my circumstances.
This year I reflected more on God teaching me to persevere no matter my circumstances over the last 9 to 10 years.
I honestly remember that “come to Jesus meeting” in early 2017 as if it were yesterday. For some reason I didn't mark down the exact day but I do remember the brokenness and the tears.
We were planning to go see Travis's new nephew in Spokane in July. And suddenly a thought occurred to me.
Is it really safe for me to hold a wiggling baby? Am I strong enough for that?
My thoughts immediately went to the future. What if I can't hold my grandbabies when I'm a grandma?
I absolutely broke down and wept uncontrollably.
Rock bottom. Sounds like a terrible place to be. But it really wasn't. Because the only direction from rock bottom is up.
I told God that if He'd let me, I would make this body as strong and healthy as I possibly could. And I told myself that even if it took me 10 years to get there I was just going to keep going. My kids were in high school. I was nowhere NEAR being a grandma.
But I began my voyage toward being a strong, capable, healthy grandma.
My compass pointed in that direction. I had no map of how I was going to get there. Just the destination. Endless sea. No land in sight.
Talk about walking by faith and not by sight. By everything I could SEE and everything I was being TOLD by others, including doctors, my goals were completely unattainable.
And let me tell you, I have had my share of storms and waves over the last 9 to 10 years:
A car accident with whiplash and a concussion.
A really bad back injury that set me back months.
Plantar fasciitis. Tendonitis in both elbows for seemingly no reason.
Menopause, ugh, I could write an entire book on just that storm alone. Dizziness. Crazy joint pain. Tons of hair loss. Horrible eczema. Countless setbacks with my hip going out of place constantly.
A few mold exposures, and those of you in the health space know exactly how devastating those can be.
The waves and storms have been ridiculous.
But through all of it my compass never stopped pointing toward the destination.
I never quit. I may have been slowed down to the slowest crawl with no wind in my sails more times than I can count. But I never stopped completely. And I never charted a different course by getting distracted.
Remember how I said during that come to Jesus meeting that even if it takes me 10 years I was going to keep going?
We are 9 and a half years after the fact.
And I am going to be a grandma very soon.
My guess was pretty spot on.
I shudder to think what would have happened if I had listened to what other people were telling me or to the lies the enemy kept trying to put in my head. Lies like:
I'll start when the pain eases up a little bit.
I'll start tomorrow.
I'm not ready yet.
I have lots of time.
I don't know what I'm doing.
There's nothing that can be done.
It's hopeless.
Even just listing them brings back memories of all the pain, desperation, and anguish of that season.
Friend, accomplishment has more to do with your MIND and SPIRIT bouncing back quickly than your BODY bouncing back. Your mind and spirit bouncing back is what will carry your body forward when it wants to quit.
THIS IS WHY I TALK ABOUT THE NEED TO HAVE A PASSIONATE PURPOSE SOOOOO OFTEN!! It keeps you GOING!!!
What if I had quit after any one of those setbacks?
I have more reason than ever now to not let things hold me back. There will soon be a little person watching me, wondering how their grandma is going to respond to the hard things.
Daily decisions determine distant destinations.
And I will not disregard the desperate, surrendered prayers I have prayed throughout this entire journey. This is still ALL GOD'S DOING. But He gave me a part to play in it.
If someone asked me whether my results were all my determination or all God, I would have to say BOTH.
Just like the woman with the issue of blood in the Gospels. YES, it was 100% Jesus who healed her after a long, painful bout of what was incurable. But she also had to reach out and touch the edge of His cloak to receive that healing. It's BOTH.
I am currently watching the series Miracles on the Angel Network, which I highly recommend by the way. One woman who was miraculously healed after over a decade of constant pain said this:
"If you can put somebody ahead of your pain and devote time to them, your pain becomes the back seat and you can focus on loving. And that's what my son was for me."
Friend, I don't know everything you have been praying for or what you have been struggling with. Maybe it has been way past 9 or 10 years. Maybe it has been 19 or 29.
How can you refocus and make the pain mean something? I promise you there is a way. You just have to figure out how.
For me it was my future grandbabies.
So friend, add 9 to 10 years to your current age and ask yourself some honest questions:
Where do you want to be at that age?
Where does your compass need to point in order to get there?
What decisions do you need to make every single day to take incremental steps toward that destination?
What will put some wind in your sails so that you keep moving forward?
And why have you been putting off setting sail? What can you do TODAY to start the journey?
The next decade is going to take you somewhere. It is going to develop something in you. Make sure it is somewhere God wants you to be and that what it develops in you pleases and honors Him.
💙
In passionate purpose,
Dorothy
Father,
Thank You for sustaining me in every storm. For steadying me through every wave. For every moment I wanted to quit and somehow didn't. That was You. All of it was You.
Forgive me for every time I almost listened to the lies instead of Your voice. For every time I called it hopeless when You were clearing telling me You had more planned for me.
Help me be someone who keeps moving towards the destination YOU want even when there isn’t much wind. Even when I cannot see the land. Even when every voice around me says to turn back.
Show me where my compass needs to point. Show me the destination YOU have placed in me that is worth 10 years of hard decisions. Give me the daily discipline to take one incremental step toward it even on the hardest days.
And when I get there, let me never forget how I got there. Let me never mistake Your faithfulness for my own strength!!
I praise You for all You have done, ARE doing and WILL do.
In Jesus' mighty name,
Amen.